I'm not sure..

I'm just not sure.

I feel rather tired these days.

My arm keeps hurting... I think its because of work.

My back hurts too... I'm thinking that is stress.

I'm in a History class in which I feel as if I am drowning.

Ben said he is in love with me. I think it's too soon.

How does one know, when it's "too soon"?

I hope things get better by Friday!

A rough Thanksgiving

its been a tough few days.

Thanksgiving was good. I spent it along side of my family (as usual), and then after I went to Ben's house for dessert.

My dad called me Friday. It's always hard talking to him. I don't know why -well, maybe I do- but everytime we talk I want to cry. My eyes tear up and I get that fucked up knott in the back of my throat that doesnt let me swallow. It sucks.

Anyway... the toughest part of these last few days was saying bye to Bean. Bean is the smalles and oldest of our dogs. She was a fiesty yet sweet dog. She never thought of herself as a small dog... and would constantly attack our 125 lbs. Rottweiler. She was daring! Well Bean has had a soar that wouldn't heal for a few months now, the Vet said it was Cancer and tried to give her some meds. Well this weekend it just got worse. She developed about 3 more soars and just completely stopped eating. Well it was hard, but we had to make the decision to put her down. She was 12 years old her body just didn't seem like it wanted to go further. It was hard. I think what makes it harder is that we have lost a dog every year for the past 3 years. All of old age. I hope next year is different!

RIP Bean 8/1994 - 11/2006

Just sailing along...

So its been a few interesting months. Nothing too fancy going on.... just staying busy working on buying a house, finishing school, climbing that corporate latter, and dating Benny.

I'll start with the house buying. Pretty much, I'v frozen it until spring of 2007. I want to bring my debt ratio down so that I don't worry about the finacial part of it. Lets cross our fingers, because I don't think I can live at home for much longer than that.

School... (sigh) so I've set up my schedule and and set to finish Summer of 2007. I might have to take a couple of classes at a JC... but I suppose its a small price to pay for being done. I'm also thinking I will be going straight through to work on my MBA. I figure this will deffer my student loans AND and I'm already in the routine of things so... might as well.

Climbing the corporate latter. Now this one is not so simple... perhaps... but my boss said something that made so much sense. Through a conversation, she said "we should dress for the job we want, not for the job you have" which I makes a lot of sense. You see I work in a very creative environment, a lot of designer, and trendy people. So it can get very easy to slip down the road of sloppyness when trying to be fashionable. So I've made a commitment. I've X'ed out tennis shoes/sneakers, t-shirts and corduroy from my wordrobe on Monday through Fridays. So far two weeks by and still going strong.

Now the last, but definetly not least. Dating Benny. Benny is nice and sweet and really good to me. I like him a lot and we have fun together. I'm enjoying his company and he enjoys mine (at least I think he does). Well so far everything is good. It's a little hard to make time for each other as we each have opposite schedules and he works on weekends sometimes. So we REALLY have to try HARD to make that small time we have together worth our while. He sent me roses on Monday... I liked that a lot. Not many guys remember the small romatic things like that. Well I'm just letting things roll out... He is very shy, so sometimes its hard to get what ever is on his mind out. But Im sure its all just a work in progress.

Well I guess everything is as it should be.... just sailing.... sailing along.