Venting Session

Oh I feel a venting session coming on.
Unfortunately I did not get my house :( Not for lack of trying. Unfortunately my brother is involved some legal matters, which in turn, led to me having to cancel my escrow. You know it's times like these that make me resent my family. I love them. I really do. But the majority of the time, it feels as if I am the mom, and it's not fair.

It makes so mad that because of his fuck ups, Im expected to put my life on hold, drop what I am doing and help him. You know the saddedst fact is that he is older than I am. Some how, along the gene line, I was handed the "responsible" gene, while my brother was probably in line for the free food.

It pisses me off. I am pissed off right now, but I am sure that is evident.

I hate that it is hard to concentrate on school, because of what him. I hate that I can't do my job happily... because of hime... and most importantly, I hate to see my mom so sad... because of him.

Maybe, one day he will realize how his actions impanct everyone else.... not just him.

Who's to say...

Who's to say

What's impossible

Well they forgot

This world keeps spinning

And with each new day

I can feel a change in everything

And as the surface breaks reflections fade

But in some ways they remain the same

And as my mind begins to spread its wings

There's no stopping curiosity

-Jack Johnson

I love these lyrics.... I LOVE Jack Johnson

I've been swamped...

I've been super swamped lately... I decided to take a full load at school, with my intention being to finish my BA by Spring '07.... but right now... right this second... I'm thinking it was a bad idea. (Sigh)

I expect things will get easier, and I know for a fact that I will get through this, but trying to stay on top of four classes AND complete my work (at work) successfully... is proving to be harder than expected. At work we are getting ready for the '07 lines so my work load has increased dramatically, and the turn around time, had not changed. I still like what I do, and I feel that without deadlines... I am not as successful as I can be.

Besides school and work, there is one other thing that has me a little on the edge. I am in the process of purchasing my first home. ahhh... this truly makes me so fucking nervous. I am trusting in God that he will never give me more than what I can handled, and that this is the right decision. It a great house, 3 brm, 2 baths, 2 car garage, and a pool. It's near where we live now, nice neighborhood, and great yard. If I am correct, I opened escrow this weekend.... so right now.. right this second... Im shitting bricks... ok not literally-but my palms do get sweaty every time I think about it.

All in all, I am good, I have small, but very life altering things on my plate.

But I will survive. I WILL survive...

Tabon's Shower

Tabon's had their co-ed baby shower today... Little Kai is expected May 7th... how time flys, it feels like I was just at their wedding. It was a nice party. Lucy and Steve hired a "carnitas" lady to come and make tacos on demand. It was nice... they were gooooooood... mmmmm

TP was their too... hadn't seen him for a while.... but he rarely comes to the parties. B was there with his new girl. Normally, his girls make me crindge at sight, only because they seem to be so HA CHA CHA Porn Star like... but this one... she was really cute... and nice too. I think he needs to keep her... or maybe she needs to keep him!

Joji, as always was a ham. Dancing and all, she is crazy... the most attention driven kid I know. She does not give a hoot, who and how many are watching her, she will dance... regardless.

Now Paul. What a sweet heart. I would marry him in a second, if it wasn't for the fact that he is about 5'0 tall and about.. O, 100lbs. But I tell you, he is smart, funny, successfull, sweet, loyal.... I could go on...

I'm seeing Melissa tomorow.... she goes back Tuesday. Poor thing, drives back to Colorado with two children (under 4). I hope she and Matt decide to move back....

When is Honesty... Not the best policy?

We say honesty, is the best policy.... but when does that "best policy"... go bad?

I have one friend who swears she is the most honest person around. She "tells it like it is" and if it offends people... "well that is their problem". I personally, don't agree with this. I feel that there is a time and a place for everything. If someone doesn't ask for your opinion... you shouldn't give it... regardless of if its good or bad.