Being low... is a blow!

I'm feeling a little low today. Not sure what the heck, but I've been on the verge of tears all day.... I finally broke during Jo Jee's ballet recitle. Jo Jee.. (short for Jordan) is my cousins daughter.... so I think, that makes her my second cousin... or maybe just a cousin... well regardless....she is now 3.5 years old. She is my princess, my shinning star... the one person that I can think about... and an instant smile grows. So I think seeing her out there in her little liatard, ballet slippers, and big fluffy pig tails makes me realize how much she has grown and how fast time has flown.

More and more.. I guess because of Jo Jee and her now having a little sister (Aubrey)... I want my own kids. Ever since I can remember I have known that the one thing I would be natrually good at would be to be a mother. I love kids, always have, and most likely... always will. I love their innocense, their needyness, and their determination.

It's funny, I think it all started to hit me bad, this weekend. We (my family and I) got together for Courtneys 10 B-day party... well at one point Jordan started hanging out with me... and of course I don't mind it at all... but what totally got me was that where ever I went, she followed, always lightly clinging to my pants... well at one point it got a little crowded, and a few of the adults kept running into her, so I swept her up into my arms... and I guess her (over protective) grandmother saw and made her way over to me with her arms extended to take Jordan from me.... well, oviously if Jordan wanted to go, I would have passed her on to Grandma... but instead of reaching her arms back to grandma... Jordan turned away, swung both her arms around me and rested her chin on my shoulder. I loved it.... I couldn't get enought of it.

I know its small, and maybe even a little rediculous but man.. I do love that feeling.

I expect one day (hopefully soon) I will have that opportunity, but for now, I will just enoy my little Jo Jee!